“I’m fat”. “I wish I had a body like hers”. “Why can’t I be skinny?”.
For as long as I can remember, I have had body issues. Some might say body dysmorphia.
When I was a little girl, I was obsessed with baking. I loved baking delicious food, but unfortunately that delicious food didn’t love me.
In high school, it resulted in me putting on a lot of weight.
I was “big boned”, as they say. But I’m not sure the bones were the issue.
I LOVED sugar, but for all the wrong reasons. Constantly gaining weight resulted in having self-doubt and lacking self-confidence.
Seeing myself in photos during high school made me depressed.
I didn’t believe in myself, so I would eat my feelings.
When I finished Year 12, I wanted to put myself on a better path.
So, I stopped drinking soft drinks, limited my sugar intake and fell in love with exercise.
But then my love for food turned into a love of alcohol.
My diet did improve but I would go out all weekend.
Come Monday, I would feel guilty so I would pound the pavement, do as many spin classes as I could, and eat very little.
I wasn’t respecting my body, and it was very noticeable in my face, which resembled a Hawaiian pizza.
And I was constantly so negative. “I have fat legs”. “Gosh, she is hot, why can’t I look like her?”.
Then I would sit on the couch and eat an entire pack of chips and block of chocolate.
Some people are genetically blessed with a perfect figure. I am not one of those people. I have to work for it.